So You Want To Host A “Little” Gathering

NorthShore Care Supply September 1, 2026

Five adults gathered around a table, laughing and socializing while playing a colorful board game in a cozy living room.

Guest Author: Mutt

Key Takeaways

Events and meetups take time, effort, and sometimes money, but are very rewarding and a great place to make new friends.
Gatherings can take on many shapes and sizes, from small, intimate sleepovers and movie nights to taking over an entire party floor with music and drinks.
Many people are looking for an event to go to, but few are willing to host. Hosting a new event is often the catalyst to forming a vibrant community.
Communication is the most important part of hosting events, whether speaking with the venue, establishing rules, or advertising the event so people know where to go.

If you go anywhere that ABDL-inclined folks hang out online, you'll see a common refrain: "Where do I go to meet other crinkle butts!?" Often, answers can be a bit sparse. It seems like everyone wants local events, but few are willing to step up to the plate.

That's what this guide is for. Host it, and they will come. That might be a very dated reference, but it holds true. Hosting a meetup, party, or other event can be the perfect way to meet other like-minded locals in a safe, welcoming space that's perfect for fostering new friendships.

First things first, choose what kind of meet you are planning.

Types of Meetups

Public Outings

The easiest event to host is one where everyone else does all the work. All you have to do is tell people when and where to show up, and the work is done. Zoos, amusement parks, and malls are all fantastic places for groups of people to gather and mill.

The downside is that being in public can make some people uncomfortable, and it's difficult to make an ABDL meet feel like an ABDL meet when you are constrained by public social norms.

Munches and Smaller Space Meetups

It takes a little more work, but having a meetup at a bar or restaurant can be a fantastic way to foster new friendships. To host a munch, you may need to call the restaurant ahead of time, make sure people show up on time, and be more discerning about who gets invited.

The benefit is that most restaurants or similar spaces offer some privacy that allows for little coded attire and less cautious conversation. It's still a public place, so no full exposure, but generally people feel more comfortable when seated close together than when wandering around a big open space.

Room Parties

At every convention or other big event, there are room parties. Room parties require a lot more work from the host, who will have to have everything ready for guests to arrive. They can range from highly curated to open invite and are often themed.

They don't have to be in a hotel. An AirBNB or rented cabin is a fine place for a party, and they don't need to happen during another convention. It's just very likely that if you go to a convention, you'll find yourself in a large hotel room with a bunch of other like-minded people.

Personal Gatherings

There is always the option to simply host a backyard BBQ or movie night. It's a little risky. Anytime someone is invited into your living space or personal areas, it carries a slight risk of having your things or feelings damaged.

It is also the most time-consuming and difficult kind of party to host. Not only do you need to have a highly curated invite list, but the host will also be doing all the preparation beforehand, attending to people during, and cleaning up after.

The risk and work can lead to a really amazing and rewarding experience, though. By the time people are comfortable enough to go to a house and hang out in diapers and just be fully themselves, they'll form deep, lasting friendships.

Choosing a Venue

Public Space

Zoos, amusement parks, bars, bowling alleys, and parks are just a few of the nearly limitless places that a meetup can occur. When choosing a public place, there are a few things to consider, like the price of tickets if they are needed, whether or not people will need to bring food, and how to find each other when on site.

Communicating with the Venue

It's often a good idea to contact smaller venues to make sure they can accommodate a large group. Most restaurants will reserve a section for any number of visitors, and places like bowling alleys may have group rates and specials for bigger parties.

Renting a Space

Hotel rooms, AirBNBs, event spaces, and other more private venues are a great middle ground between your own living room and a public space. You will just need to be in communication with the owners of the venue, and likely charge a small fee to people planning on attending to cover the cost.

There are party rooms or bars/pubs that you can rent out entirely. These types of places usually have permanent staff for serving drinks or taking care of custodial duties. I have hosted events in spaces like that and simply been very upfront with the staff by explaining the types of experiences they are likely to have.

If you need help talking to venues or finding venue spaces, reach out to local or larger groups that are hosting events! Most would be absolutely happy to help you start one of your own.

Homes and Other Private Properties

The biggest advantage to hosting a house party is that you already have everything you need and it doesn't cost any money. Just make sure to have plenty of furniture protection on hand.

Advertising and Knowing Who to Invite

Open Invites and Major Websites

If you are trying to maximize the scope, posting an invite to social media and other large broadcasting options is the way to go. Whether that's more scene-focused sites or sites like BlueSky, Twitter, etc., this is how the biggest groups operate. Recurring events often have a strong online presence and encourage anyone to participate.

Local Group Chats

Smaller, local chats are probably the best way for a first-time host to advertise. It doesn't require curating a list, but there is a lower risk of someone coming just to be a problem since everyone may have to see each other outside of the event.

Telegram, Signal, Discord, and other group chats are great for small events. I manage an ABDL group in Pittsburgh that started with just a few of us and has grown to over 100 members with regular events, so don't be afraid to start the group if you can't find one that already exists.

To help a group grow and increase the number of people willing to travel to a meetup, reach out to the larger metropolitan areas and ask permission to advertise. There are probably more people nearby than you think, and there are definitely folks who are willing to travel to go to events that align with their interests.

Word of Mouth

The most classic way to get the party ball rolling is to tell your friend, and then have them tell a few people, and hope that by keeping it tight you will avoid people you don't want to see. Usually this is a great strategy if you already know a handful of people, but it is a bit of a terrible way to meet new people.

Responsibility

Oh no, the icky part. When you invite people, from mass advertising to handing notes in class, you run the risk of someone getting invited who should not be. There are a lot of reasons someone may not be a good fit. They may have trouble respecting boundaries, or have had personal issues with other people in the group, or just be known for causing problems, and it will be up to you to politely but firmly tell them that they are not invited.

I know from experience that this can be the actual hardest part of hosting an event. Having to confront someone and ban them from a gathering feels awful. Here is a template for anyone to use that I find works well.

"Hello (person), I don't think this event is a good fit for you, and I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask you not to attend. I am always finding new ways to grow the community, though, and I'm hoping we can make a future event that is more accommodating!"

It's simple, to the point, and gives them a chance to look forward to future events if they can change their behavior.

About the Author

Mutt, or MutterButter on socials, is an essayist residing in Pennsylvania who enjoys backpacking, fencing, and being buried under a mountain of plushies while laying in a dog bed after drinking a lot of sake. They once had an internal ethical dilemma about completing a motorcycle rally while wearing a diaper, unsure if the extra padding detracted from the title “Iron Butt” enough to warrant giving the plaque back. Sometimes they play a deer on the internet.

Frequently Asked Questions

How do I start a new ABDL event?
Choose the style of the event, choose a venue that suits the style, and invite people. It's that easy, and if you do it, you will have attendees.

Do I need reservations at a restaurant or bar to host a munch or other meetups?
Regardless of the venue's requirements, it's always a good idea to contact the location and make sure they can handle a large group. It's also a chance to find out the dress code and other expected customs for the location.

What is the easiest event to host?
A public outing, like a meeting at a local museum, is the easiest event to host. You can advertise on social media. The venue is often free, or people are responsible for paying their own way, and the host doesn't need to have anything prepared since the venue is the entertainment.