My Symbol of Freedom: When a Hat is More Than a Hat

D. Shares His Story

This isn’t just a hat; it symbolizes freedom — freedom from the irrational fear that others might notice a slight bulge under my mowing shorts. Fear that I might leak. Fear that I would be outed as less than a whole person. Fear that others would discover my secret. This hat, now stained with hours and hours of sweat from working out in my yard, is a symbol that I now live my life without worrying about what my neighbors might think. I am finally free.

There’s a journey involved in accepting incontinence. 

Phase 1:

When you’re new to it (or it is new to you), there’s an irrational fear—a paranoia, really—that others will know, that everyone is staring, that for some reason the world will stop paying attention to you and that… bulge.

Phase 2:

Next, you realize that the world hasn’t stopped and isn’t going to, so you bravely go on, doing the things you need to. You’re still self-conscious, still worried, still aware, but you move forward.

Phase 3:

Then, after a while, you realize that no one is staring, no one is judging, and the world is so busy looking inward that absolutely no one has ever noticed—or will ever notice—that little bump.

Phase 4:

Finally, you get to the “so what?” stage. This is the stage where you realize that none of it really matters. Those who love you don’t care that you leak and those who don’t love you are irrelevant. That lady at the grocery store? You’re never going to see her again. That neighbor who saw a waistband peeking out of your pants? She probably had no idea what he saw and likely thought nothing of it two seconds later.

And besides, so what? You’re still you. Tomorrow’s another day. Nothing has changed.

This hat is my Phase 4. I made it. I wear it out proudly and without any regard for the fact that it has the logo (and web address) of an online incontinence products store on it. If it weren’t so stained, I’d wear it anywhere I needed a hat. Could someone recognize the logo? Sure. They’d recognize it if they bought their products from NorthShore, too.

And then maybe I’d make a new friend, which would be just fine.