Tips for Talking to Family and Friends About Your Incontinence

How Do You Open Up About Incontinence?

Whether you're new to incontinence or have been living with it for some time, talking about it rarely comes naturally. Cultural norms teach us from toddlerhood that “bathroom matters” are private. By adulthood, the rules of what’s acceptable are so ingrained they feel instinctive. The message is clear: these things aren’t meant to be discussed.

But what happens when using the bathroom isn’t simple anymore? When you need help but have no tools to talk about it?

You’re Not Alone: Incontinence is Incredibly Common

Incontinence is incredibly common, often treatable, and, regardless, very manageable. In fact, incontinence affects more people than diabetes and heart disease combined¹, with nearly 80 million women² and 3.3 million men³ in the U.S. living with it today.

Breaking down the big question of who to tell into smaller, simpler ones can help reduce decision fatigue and make the right choice feel more manageable.

Start by identifying why you want to tell this person. Is it for practical reasons, like needing more flexibility while traveling, or for emotional support, like having someone to talk to?

Then, weigh the pros and cons. Will talking about it relieve the stress of keeping it hidden, or are you worried they might react poorly? Thinking through how the conversation might impact the relationship can help you decide whether or not to open up.

Tips for Choosing the Right People, Place, and Words

Deciding to talk about your incontinence can feel overwhelming, so having a plan for who you want to talk to, where you want to do it, and how to start the conversation can make it much less intimidating. Whether you choose to open up about your incontinence to a romantic partner, your boss, friend, or child, the approach will be different depending on the relationship.

When it comes to who, when, and where, aim for a setting where you both feel relaxed and unhurried — somewhere that allows for openness without pressure. (Of course, talking to a stranger in a public restroom is a special case… but sometimes you just do what you have to do!) 

As for how to start, having a lead-in ready can help set the tone and ease your nerves. Use one of the examples above or create something in your own voice. Simply having a plan makes a difference.

And finally, be clear about why you’re sharing. Whether it’s for emotional support or practical help, no one can read your mind. Being direct about your needs increases the chances of getting the understanding or assistance you’re hoping for.

Try the NorthShore Sample Program

Now that you have opened up about your incontinence, it's time to make sure you are using products with the best protection. The NorthShore Sample Program makes it easy to try our products without committing to a whole package. Take a quick 1–2 minute quiz and receive expert product recommendations tailored to your size, body, and needs. Then, select up to 6 products to sample for free (just pay for shipping!)

Talk to Our Customer Care Experts

Still have questions or prefer to chat with someone? Our Customer Care Experts are knowledgeable, empathetic, and 100% judgment-free. They’re here to answer your questions, guide you through product choices, and help you feel confident in whatever step you take next. northshore.com/contact-us

FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions)

Q: Why is it hard to open up about incontinence?

A: Cultural norms teach us from toddlerhood that “bathroom matters” are private. By adulthood, the rules of what’s acceptable are so ingrained they feel instinctive. The message is clear: these things aren’t meant to be discussed. But being open with those close to you about your incontinence symptoms can help make your day-to-day management feel easier and more supported.

Q: Who should I tell about my incontinence symptoms?

A: Think about what you hope to gain from the person after the conversation. Are you seeking physical help or emotional support? This will guide you in who to discuss your incontinence with. It is often difficult to start the conversation, but very helpful to tell family members, friends, a boss or co-worker, or a significant other.

Q: I have questions about NorthShore’s product offerings. Where can you find more information?

A: NorthShore’s Product Finder Tool is a great place to start, because you can explore the different types of incontinence products and supplies available. If you still have questions, NorthShore’s award winning Customer Care team is available via phone or text to help. Reach out at (800) 563-0161.

Sources:

1. (2025). We count campaign. National Association for Continence. https://nafc.org/we-count/

2. (2025). We count: A new campaign to help women with incontinence. NAFC Health Blog. https://nafc.org/bhealth-blog/we-count-a-new-campaign-to-help-women-with-incontinence/

3. (2023). Male incontinence: Overview and slideshow. https://www.webmd.com/urinary-incontinence-oab/ss/slideshow-male-incontinence