Caregiver Tips: How to Talk to Loved Ones About Incontinence Symptoms

If you’re a caregiver noticing incontinence symptoms in a loved one for the first time, or if occasional accidents are becoming more frequent, it’s time to talk about it. While it may be a difficult conversation, open dialogue about all aspects of their health is essential to building a respectful and comfortable care relationship.

Why Talking About Incontinence Matters

Many people assume incontinence is a “normal” part of aging and simply accept it as a daily inconvenience. But changes in bowel or bladder health should never be ignored. Addressing the topic early can help prevent the condition from worsening or lingering longer than necessary.

Tips for a Successful Conversation

1. Pick the right time and place. Find a time when there’s no one else around, and start by asking, “Is now a good time to talk about something hard?” Giving them the option to say, “no,” while setting expectations that this conversation might be uncomfortable, helps to prevent feelings of being ambushed.

2. Let them share their experience. 

   Instead of leading with your observations, ask open questions, such as: 

   • “Do you ever struggle to make it to the toilet in time?”  

   • “Do you ever experience accidental leaks that require a change of clothing?” 

   • “How is that affecting you?”  

   This allows them to feel heard rather than judged. 

3. Establish a plan of action. Discuss ways to manage your loved one’s symptoms that will make you both more comfortable. Include a plan to talk with a medical professional and what absorbency products might be helpful.

4. Remind them they’re not alone. This is perhaps the most important part of the conversation. You already know that their health and well-being is your biggest priority, but sometimes it’s nice to remind them too. Be sure to reiterate that all incontinence symptoms are very manageable and often treatable. They have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and most importantly, they can trust you. You are here to help.

Stigmas and embarrassment can make incontinence feel more overwhelming than it needs to be —for both the person experiencing it and the caregiver. It’s normal to feel uncomfortable witnessing a loved one in a vulnerable state. That’s why it’s so important to approach every conversation with compassion and honesty. Acknowledge that it’s hard and that you’re both doing the best you can.

Ending the Stigma, One Voice at a Time

For many people, talking about incontinence, whether it’s your own experience or that of someone you care for, may never feel completely comfortable. It’s personal. It’s vulnerable. And it goes against all the quiet social rules we’ve absorbed over the years about what’s “appropriate” to share.

But here’s what’s worth remembering: just because something feels uncomfortable doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing. By choosing to read this blog, you’ve already taken a meaningful and courageous first step! Seeking knowledge, exploring your options, and preparing yourself to have these conversations — that alone shows strength. You’re already doing the work of moving forward, and that’s something to feel really good about.

Every time you choose honesty over silence, you make room for real support. Every time you trust someone with a part of your story, you create space for empathy and healing. That kind of openness not only lightens your emotional load, but it also chips away at the stigma that keeps so many others quiet.

Honest conversations can lighten the emotional load and lead to meaningful support, better care, and practical solutions. Take it from NorthShore customer M.B., who shared his experience with finding support:

“None of us should have to feel like we're struggling alone. Sharing with [my friend] really changed everything. Not only was a load taken off my back, but she helped me find the right protection for dry nights.” 

Want to Try Before You Buy?

Finding the right incontinence products for Heavy Bladder Leakage can feel overwhelming when shopping for yourself or a loved one. That’s why NorthShore makes it simple with the Sample Program: take a short quiz to get expert recommendations and select up to six free product samples to try (just pay shipping). No more guessing. Just peace of mind.

Need More Assistance?

NorthShore offers additional education, helpful tools, and support resources from trusted organizations on our Incontinence Support page.

Additionally, NorthShore’s award-winning Customer Care Experts are dedicated to helping you feel supported every step of the way with expert recommendations and 100% judgment free advice. Email Info@NorthShore.com or call (800) 563-0161.

FAQ (Frequently Asked Questions)

Q: How can I have a successful conversation with my loved one about their incontinence?

A: Talking to a loved one about their incontinence isn’t easy. Pick the right time and place to have the conversation, let them share their experience, help establish a plan of action, and remind them they’re not alone. Following these tips can help you have a meaningful conversation about a topic that may at first make you and your loved one uncomfortable.

Q: Is it normal to feel uncomfortable talking about incontinence?

A: Yes! For many people, talking about incontinence, whether it’s your own experience or that of someone you care for, may never feel completely comfortable. It’s personal, makes us feel vulnerable, and it goes against all the quiet social rules we’ve absorbed over the years about what’s “appropriate” to share. But just because something feels uncomfortable doesn’t mean it isn’t worth doing.

Q: Where can I look for helpful tools and support resources?

A: NorthShore offers additional education, helpful tools, and support resources from trusted organizations on our Incontinence Support page for both caregivers and those experiencing incontinence symptoms.