An Interview with Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb, The Diaper Doctor

About Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb

Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb holds a PhD in clinical sexology and works as an alternative sexuality specialist, AASECT certified sex therapist, author, and public speaker. She provides psychotherapy services in Colorado and virtual sexuality coaching nationwide. ABDL and open relationships are among her specialties.

The views in this interview are Dr. Lipscomb's own, shared in her professional capacity. NorthShore has not independently evaluated the clinical claims discussed here and does not present them as established consensus.

What inspired you to write the book You're Not Broken, especially after years of working as a Certified Sex Therapist and Alternative Sexuality Specialist?

Due to multiple factors, I began writing the book in 2021 and at that point I had been working with people in the community for about 11 years. I had written my doctoral dissertation subject and been to multiple conventions. I spoke with many people who I had never worked with casually. There, I learned a lot of great information. I realized that there are a lot of people who were too afraid to approach anyone who is considered a therapist or coach and yet still needed help and information they were not getting anywhere else.

That's why I wrote the book, to write out all of the things that I was teaching and working with people on. Learning that this was not going away, the need to accept it, the fact that there is nothing wrong with it, and how to work through all the various areas that are often very difficult. Talking with partners and helping partners understand it, even parents, was also a major motivational point on how I started to compose the book. Even though there were other works out there, they were not quite touching upon the things that I talked about in the publication.

How does it differ from more traditional approaches to fetish, kink, or age play in therapy?

It really is more how I have always approached areas of sexuality or areas of life that are different. I have never really had the tendency to pathologize these things the way a lot of therapists are taught to look at these subjects. I don't think I had really realized this until I started to work with people in these communities. Individuals were telling me their experiences with therapists that told them that there was something psychologically wrong with them, something to be fixed.

I started realizing that there really was not anything to fix since there was not anything wrong with them. Now, I am luckily starting to see more and more therapists that are operating under this belief system. It is not indicative that people had some sort of childhood trauma or are suffering from a psychological disorder, it is just the way people are born. It is not about something going wrong in their life.

Age play figures into this as well, since nobody was talking about this twenty to thirty years ago, but in many ways it is very similar to other communities where it is not a result of past, personal trauma. Many people within the age play and ABDL communities assume that it is because of personal trauma. I often have to gently tell them that this is not what caused it, as trauma has happened to other people as well who did not become ABDL. There are also ABDLs who had very happy childhoods with minimal trauma, indicating that there is very little proof that past trauma is a leading cause of identifying with ABDL.

How does the book distinguish between ABDL as a core identity versus a playful role or coping mechanism? What questions should someone ask themselves to explore where they land on that spectrum?

If we look at the differences between someone who is ABDL and someone who is more of an age-player, people who are ABDL notice this kind of thing arrives at a certain age. They can't explain it fully and it does not go away. Even though many people try very hard to make it go away, this simply does not work. People who are on the AB side feel like they have that younger side of themselves, while DLs don't generally have that part of themselves. Age-players have that roleplay element, they learn about it from friends that they read online or they run into in the kink or BDSM community and they find it fulfilling and fun. Some will do it for longer periods of time while others will do shorter periods and then walk away from it. That is the major difference between someone who is ABDL and someone who is an age-player. The age player can change interests and activities while with ABDL this is a core part of their identity that is a side of them that does not go away.

You provide practical tools and techniques for building strong self-worth. Could you walk us through one or two of your favorites? Perhaps a reframing exercise or a journaling prompt that readers can try immediately? How have you seen these benefit others?

The book is filled with many journaling exercises that cover various areas. There are multiple aspects that keep people stuck. There is the engrained belief that people grow up receiving from parents, teachers, and society at large on how they believe the world works. Unless we take those out as we get older and look at them and go, "Does this even work for me?" we keep going on autopilot.

Many people don't examine their beliefs, such as what is sex supposed to be like, what is 'normal' behavior, and how to judge oneself. A lot of people judge themselves very sternly, and when working through painful emotions such as shame, guilt, embarrassment, and fear it can be difficult to get to a better place. With resilience, it can take some time.

If I was to pick one of the exercises as one of my favorites and one that I would tell people to try to think about is to visualize oneself in the kitchen and you are pouring yourself a glass of milk. You bump it, and the glass shatters on the floor. What do you say to yourself? Many people will call themselves stupid or some other list of negative things about themselves.

Then you imagine the same situation, but you are with your best friend or partner and they knock the glass down and shatter it. Would you say the same things to them that you would say to yourself? Likely, no. You'll assure them, help clean it up, and do your best to make them feel better. For people who are often very harsh on themselves, understanding how to be kind to yourself as you are to the people you love in your life is an important exercise.

About the Author

I have been a dedicated writer in the ABDL and Furry communities for over eight years. Throughout those years, I composed more than two million words through commissioned stories and helped pioneer the idea that writers can take on commissions en masse to meet reader demand. At the core of my work, there has always been a focus on self-acceptance, a sense of freedom, and the invitation to experience joy. Through my compositions, I wish to create welcoming spaces where readers can explore specific emotions and feel supported in being themselves.

Frequently Asked Questions

What is the book You're Not Broken about?
The book offers insights and practical tools for people in the ABDL and kink communities, focusing on self-acceptance, self-worth, working through shame, disclosing to partners, and connecting with community. Its central premise is that these interests are not disorders requiring treatment.

Does the book address what causes someone to identify as ABDL?
Dr. Lipscomb's position is that ABDL is not necessarily the result of childhood trauma, an assumption she says is common within the community itself. She notes that many people in the ABDL community report happy childhoods, and that the interest tends to appear at a certain age and persist even when someone tries to suppress it.

Where can readers find the book or contact Dr. Lipscomb?
You're Not Broken is available in paperback and Kindle on Amazon. Signed paperback copies and coaching inquiries are available through her website at thediaperdoctor.com.